However, the carols that we sang are available for use by other Sworn Enemies of the Tobacco Industry. Included are such classics as "Law Suits are Comin' to Town" and "We're Dreaming of a Smoke-Free Christmas".
IT CAME UPON THE MIDNIGHT CLEAR It came upon the midnight clear, That glorious buyout of Kraft; T'was Philip Morris that made the deal, To keep the media daft. "Those magazines will shut their traps, The boob tube and newspapers too; They'll beg to keep our Kraft ads intact, To maximize revenue." It cost 12 billion point nine U.S., Enough to send men to the moon; Or bailout most of the C.I.S., Or buy ev'ry Vancouver home. T'was this that Morris paid cash for Kraft, Just loose change to silence some foes. Buy macaroni and cheese from Kraft, and watch to whom your loon goes. AWAY FROM THE DANGER(Away In A Manger) Away from the danger, lots of smoke in his head, The little passive smoker Lay down in his bed. His father and mother looked down where he lay. The little passive smoker had been coughing all day. His parents start hacking. The baby awakes. And the little passive smoker, more coughing he makes. We love thee, passive smoker.We love thee to bits! And because we love thee,We promise we'll quit! THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS On the twelfth day of Christmas, my smoker gave to me: Twelve filthy ashtrays; Eleven sofa burn holes; Ten fits of coughing; Nine traffic accidents; Eight whiffs of bad breath; Seven migraine headaches; Six Grand in debt; Five smoke rings...with 4000 chemicals; Four kids with asthma; Three bed fires; Two cancer tumours; And quintuple by-pass surgery. CLEAR THE MALLS(Deck The Halls) Clear the malls of choking smoke. Fa la la la la la la la la. Tobacco smoke makes us choke. Fa la la la la la la la la. Buy we now our fresh apparel. Fa la la, la la la, la la la. We don't want to breathe in peril. Fa la la la la la la la la. SMOKE-FREE NIGHT(Silent Night) Smoke-free day, smoke-free night. Air is clear, air is light. Healthy father, mother and child. Little infant so tender and mild. Breathe in heavenly peace. Breathe in heavenly peace. Smoke-free day, smoke-free night. We want to breathe, not to fight. Breathing your smoke makes us choke. Death is serious; it's no joke! All we want is clean air. All we want is clean air. O TOBACCO PLANT(O Christmas Tree) O Tobacco plant, O Tobacco plant,With fateful leaves you chain us. O Tobacco plant, O Tobacco plant,With fateful leaves you chain us. Not only green in cartel banks,But also black in my lungs, thanks. O Tobacco plant, O Tobacco plant,With fateful leaves you chain us. RUDOLPH, THE RED-NOSED REINDEER Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose, And if you ever saw it,You would even say it glowed. All of the smoking reindeer Used to laugh with all their guts; They never knew poor Rudolph was allergic to their butts. Then one smoky Christmas Eve Santa came to say, "Rudolph, 'cause your nose is bright They must smoke outside tonight." Then all the smoke-free reindeer laughed and shouted out with glee; Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer,Now you can breathe free! Now you can breathe free! WE'RE DREAMING OF A SMOKE-FREE CHRISTMAS We're dreaming of a smoke-free Christmas Just like the ones we hope to know. Where the air is clear And children dear, will have a model to follow. We're dreaming of a smoke-free Christmas With every smoke-free breath we take May your days be smoke-free and bright And may all your Christmases be white. DUMBER BOY(Drummer Boy) Quit, they told me, pa rum pum pum pum. A longer life to live, pa rum pum pum pum. But I knew better, pa rum pum pum pum. I smoked my life away, dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb, Dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb.Now I die. WE WISH YOU A SMOKE-FREE CHRISTMAS We wish you a smoke-free Christmas. We wish you a smoke-free Christmas. We wish you a smoke-free Christmas and a healthy New Year. Clean air to you wherever you are. Clean air for Christmas and all through the year. SMOKING KILLS(Silver Bells) City sidewalks, littered sidewalks, Covered in sickaret packs. In the air, there's a feeling of Cancer. Children coughing, adults dying,Smoking taking its toll. And on every street corner you hear: Smoking kills, smoking kills, Don't make that fatal mistake! Smoking kills, smoking kills, Please quit before it's too late. UP ON THE HOUSETOP Up on the house-top the smokers pause, Banished up there with bylaws; Everyone's inside with lots of toys Except for the smokers -- boys will be boys! Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go! Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go! Up on the house-top for a puff; Keep them outside -- enough is enough!
HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING
Hark! the herald angels sing
Glory to the low-tar Kings;
Best on earth, and O so mild;
Angels smoke them by the pile.
Joyful, we appear in fliers;
Join the triumph of the liars;
With angelic ads proclaim:
Christ smokes Kings in Bethlehem.
Hark! the herald angels sing
Glory to the low-tar Kings.
THE FIRST NOEL
The first Noel, the angels did choke
Next to certain poor shepherds in fields as they smoked;
In fields where they chucked their butts all around
And ignited a fire that burned six mangers down.
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel.
Toast is the King of Israel.
WHAT CHILD IS THIS?
What child is this, who laid to rest,
While Mary's dressed in black weeping?
Who's stillborn birth is a corp'rate mess;
One of thousands of lawsuits now heaping.
This, this was Christ, the Child,
Snuffed out by Mary's du Maurier Milds;
Haste, haste to sue and baste
Those murdering pillars of industry.
GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN
Go tell it on the mountain,
Over the hills and ev'rywhere;
Go tell it on the mountain
That smoking here is banned.
When I was a smoker,
I smoked both night and day,
Until the mounties caught me
And this is what they'd say:
Go yell it on the mountain,
Over the hills and ev'rywhere;
Go yell it on the mountain
That smoking here is banned.
The judge, he threw the book at me
Because he said I whined;
Vacation plans all screwed up
To pay those bloody fines.
Go sell it on the mountain...
My love hit Greece without me:
Probation I must serve;
She met a smoke-free sailor,
And that's the last I've heard.
Go nail it on the mountain...
My boss, he let me go:
"Convicts we don't hire."
So now I'm on this cliff
Wond'ring "Can I fly?"
Go smell it on the mountain...
DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE
(Do You Hear What I Hear)
This true story song is dedicated to Mohamed Ahmed.
Said the night wind to the little lamb:
"Do you see what I see (Do you see what I see)
Way down in the mall, little lamb
Do you see what I see (Do you see what I see)
A man, a man, cigarette in hand
Just ignoring all smoking bans
Just ignoring all smoking bans
"Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy:
"Do you hear what I hear (Do you hear what I hear)
Down at Metrotown, shepherd boy
Do you hear what I hear (Do you hear what I hear)
Mohamed Ahmed pleading with theman
To uphold the laws of the land
To uphold the laws of the land
"Said the shepherd boy to the mall's guards:
"Do you see what I see (Do you see what I see)
Down across the hall, mighty guards
Do you see what I see (Do you see what I see)
That man, that man, smoking lawlessly
Screaming racial obscenities
Screaming racial obscenities
"Said the shepherd boy to the mighty press:
"Did you see what I saw (Did you see what I saw)
Down at Metrotown, mighty press
Did you see what I saw (Did you see what I saw)
The guards, the guards, let the smoker go
Then dealt Ahmed blow after blow
Then dealt Ahmed blow after blow
"Said the Concord Corporation to the press:
"We refuse to comment (We refuse to comment)
Get a real job, mighty press
We refuse to comment (We refuse to comment)
Our guards, our guards, acted with good will
We won't pay Ahmed's hospital bills
We won't pay Ahmed's hospital bills
"Said the press to the shoppers everywhere:
"Do you know what we know (Do you know what we know)
Watch your backs, shoppers everywhere
Do you know what we know (Do you know what we know)
Those guards, those guards, still are making rounds
You may be the next that they pound
You may be the next that they pound"
LAW SUITS ARE COMIN' TO TOWN(Santa Claus is Comin' To Town) Dedicated to the Pinstriped Pushers in the Nicotine Cartel You'd better watch out! You'd better deny! You'd better not pout! We're telling you why: Law suits are comin' to town. We're making a list and checking it twice; Gonna know who you've killed -- that's not nice! Law suits are comin' to town. We see you when you're workin'. We know all your mistakes. We know that you've been bad -- not good -- So prepare to pay the stakes. Oh, you'd better watch out! You'd better deny!... IT'S NO FUN! (Jingle Bells) Driving through the snow,in a closed-up Chevrolet; Past the fields we go,coughing all the way. Other people's smoke Is making us choke. What fun is it to gasp and wheeze? Their smoke is making us sneeze. Oh! It's no fun! It's no fun! It's no fun, no way! Oh, what fun is it to chokein a closed-up Chevrolet? Hey!It's not fair! It's not fair!It's not fair, no way! Oh, how fair is it to smoke in a closed-up Chevrolet? WE THREE REPS(We Three Kings) We three reps from industry are Bearing fags we travel afar. To the addicted and the afflicted We bring nicotine and tar.Oh! Tar of cancer, tar of death, Tar that gives you stinking breath. Keep on smoking, choking, croaking. It's much worse than drinking meth. JOLLY OLD ST. NICHOLAS Jolly old Saint Nicholas, lean your ear this way! Don't you tell a single soul what I've smoked today. I've been sneaking sickarets from my dear old man; Mom and dad don't know this yet; Don't tell them, though you can.
Clean Air Poem
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was smoking
Not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung
By the chimney with care
And the dog dozed happily
Breathing in the clean air.
The kids were nestled
All snug in their beds
Without any tobacco smoke
Clogging their heads.
With 'ma in her kerchief
And I in my cap
We'd just settled down
For a smoke-free Christmas nap.
When out on the lawn
We heard such a clatter
We sprang from our beds
To see what was the matter.
The noise was great and we soon awoke
To catch a glimpse of my neighbor
Sneaking a smoke.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Illuminated my neighbour
Into his house trying to go.
He'd locked himself out! For the sake of a drag
On his nicotine delivery device
His words were NOT very nice.
When, to our wondering eyes he did appear
Shivering in his pj's and making us hear
His lament, as he tried to get in
by the top of the porch
by the top of the wall
He awoke the neighbourhood
When off the porch he did fall.
As dry leaves that before the hurricane fly
His rasping cough echoed
Through the clear Christmas sky.
Then in a twinkling, we heard on his roof
The prancing and pawing of this silly goof
Down his chimney he jumped, with a bound!
He was dressed only in pj's
From his head to his foot
And didn't care if he got covered in soot
(after all his lungs already were
so what's a little more to fight off the brrrr)
His eyes - how they twinkled
(at the prospect of another smoke)
His dimples how merry
His cheeks were like roses
His nose like a cherry
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
The beard on his chin looked like yellow snow!
The end of a sickaret held tight in his teeth
And the smoke, it encircled his head
Like a funeral wreath
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
At the window told us he was no longer in dread
Of being locked out in the cold.
Laying his finger alongside his nose
He cleared out his nostrils
And gave us a pose
To say he's okay! And that's how it goes.
Through the window his head he did poke
As he lit up yet another smoke
And we heard him exclaim,
Ere giving himself another light
I'm not getting locked out AGAIN
On this cold Christmas night!!
Please don't smoke around others
Whether it's dogs or children
Or even their mothers.
Smoking makes you and others sick
And even old St. Nick
Wants to know what is your reason
For harming others, ever
But especially during the holiday season.
Merry Smoke-Free Christmas to All!
And to all a Good Smoke-Free Night!!
Ginny Lovell